High Winds

They wind blew our fence down! Just straight-line winds, but mighty strong ones. We even lost power for a little while. But all is well, the fence has been repaired and everything is calm now. Note that the cats didn't even bat an eye.

Pictures

Ever tried to get four kids to sit still and smile for the camera??

Hair Cuts

Look at those summer cuts!

Bluebonnets

These pictures were taken at the end of our street. The best of the bluebonnet season passed before I got pictures, so I grabbed these today.

Just things.....

Today was my birthday. I had a wonderful day. I got to sleep late and didn't have to cook a single meal. That is very unusual.

All the kids wrote me little notes and drew me pictures. I got big hugs and kisses from each one, well several times throughout the day.

And Gary took us all out for supper. I had all 6 of my kids, plus my son-in-law and little granddaughter Hannah. Who could ask for more?

It was chilly here today, but we all put on jackets and I went outside with the kids. I talked with my neighbors as we watched the kids riding bikes and playing. The yard was full of people. We didn't go in until dark. Then all the kids got their baths and by then it was bedtime for them. I got another round of hugs and kisses and happy birthday wishes as they went off to their room. All clean and soapy smelling and sleepy-eyed. Could anything be sweeter?

Now I'm enjoying a quiet time all by myself before I go to bed. Wish I had thought to take some pictures. Well, maybe I'll get some tomorrow. The girls are growing up so fast. Lisa will be 13 this summer. Hard to believe how quickly the time has passed.

Only one sad note. This is my first birthday without Gary's mom. She called me every birthday morning for over over 30 yrs.

Every year on my birthday I remember the year after my grandfather passed away. The phone rang and when I answered it I heard my grandmother and daddy singing happy birthday to me. They are both in Heaven now, and I can't wait to see them again.

Do we always remember our loved ones on special days? It brings a touch of sadness to a joyous occasion. My poor little Weilong. It must be hard to loose both your parents so young. It really comforts me when I'm a little sad to have my arms full of these loving children. They make life worth living.

Enjoying Pictures of China

The boys really appreciate getting pictures of themselves and friends in China. What a wonderful time they have telling us all about each one.

Thoughts on bonding -Julia

Oh, my goodness, I don't even know where to begin with this one. I fell in love with Julia's referral picture. I just couldn't wait to get her into my arms. She was 24 months old when we first met her.

Here's a copy of the referral picture. For six weeks while we waited to travel, I would sit and gaze at it, and let me tell you I loved her completely before we ever met her.

Love and bonding are not the same thing in my opinion. I say this because I loved each of my children before I ever met them, both birth and adopted.

My first glimpse of Julia was at the Jinfeng Hotel. Gary and I were haunting the hallway by the elevator because we had been told to wait in our rooms for the babies to arrive. I was so anxious. The day I had dreamed of and anticipated for well over a year was finally here. I was going to meet my precious little girl I had paced the floor of our room and applied my makeup several times and just couldn't sit still any longer. So now we paced the hallway.

The elevator stopped, and four aunties stepped off with four precious little 2 yr old babies. They were all beautiful. They were very very small for 2 yr olds. I felt shaky and trembly. And my voice was shaky as I rushed up to the aunties and said Julia's Chinese name "Jiang Yong Ju??" They smiled and pointed to my precious baby. Tears came to my eyes and I saw her for the first time. She looked like she had just woke up from a nap, her little cheeks were very rosey. And she was shy, not looking at me but keeping her little eyes down. The aunties all went to our translator's room with the babies, each family would be called in to meet their daughter, one at a time.

I will never forget that first meeting. The auntie placed little Jiang Yong Ju into my arms, and the orphanage director told her to love us and told us to love her. I couldn't help hugging her close and giving her a little squeeze and kiss. She looked like she was going to cry and they told us to take her to our room. We gratefully took our precious little bundle to our room and the bonding process began, even though we didn't know it at the time.

Baby Julia was so shy and sweet. We loved her with all our hearts. She would look shyly up at us through her lowered eyelids. I think she could tell right away how much we loved her. She refused to go to the auntie later when she visited our room. Already she preferred us. She never cried or grieved that I could tell, but looking back I know that she was afraid. The amazing thing was that she trusted us, total strangers to take care of her.

Julia still took a bottle, but she was used to taking it in her crib, not being cuddled and fed. So, we never got the close cuddling and eye contact with her that we got with our birth children.

Still, the bonding happened. When she would awaken each morning and after each nap I would lift her out of her little crib and sit in my rocking chair and rock her. She would lie in my arms and we would gaze into each other's eyes and I would sing to her. I would tell her in both English and Chinese that I love her. I remember one day she reached up her little baby hands and patted my face and said softly "Wo ai ni", which means I love you.

We established a routine, and even though she was 2 yrs old I spoonfed her each morning and cuddled her on my lap. We both loved the close contact. Julia stayed near me all day every day. She played quietly nearby while I worked in the house. She even followed me to the bathroom. If I tried to go to the store and leave her with Gary, she cried. And leaving her with anyone else was impossible, she just didn't stop crying the whole time.

I realized we had bonded about 3 months after we got home with Julia. I took her to meet our extended families for the first time. And during the night she woke up, unable to breathe. I was so scared. She looked at me with terror in her little eyes, and I realized how much I loved her. She was trusting me to take care of her, and I would have done anything to help her. I woke up Gary's mom and we boiled some water and sat her over the steam to breathe it in. I thought she had the croup, it was a few years before I realized these episodes were asthma. As soon as the doctor's office opened that next morning I took her in.

During that first year, Julia learned to speak our language. She began to pick up our mannerisms. There was much openness and between us. We would make be looking directly into each others eyes as we taught her things, and as she told us her little experiences. There was no holding back on either side, we clearly belonged to each other. There way no difference between the way we felt about her and the way we felt about our birth children.

Now for my spiritual analogy. Adoption is a perfect picture of our relationship to God. When we accept Jesus, we are adopted into the family of God. Bonding, or identification, occurs when we are open to or completely honest with God, our father. And when we spend time with Him, letting him teach us His language and His ways. As we spend time with Him, in prayer and reading our Bible, we become more like him, just like our children become more like us as they spend time with us. God must love us exactly the same way we love our precious children. Isn't that an eye-opener?? It was for me.

My thoughts on bonding

Just thought I'd try to put into words a little of what I've learned about bonding. Having given birth twice and adopted 4 times, I think we may have experienced bonding in a couple of different ways.

Anyone who has adopted has surely heard a lot about this subject. I never even gave it a thought until we adopted our first precious little girl.

I think I understand what the experts are trying to say about eye contact. Thinking back about 30 yrs now, I realize that bonding (or identification) happened between me and my birth children while I was nursing them, as we gazed into each other's eyes. There is no experience to rival that close contact between parent and child. It is much more than a momentary eye contact. The feeding lasts for 15 to 30 minutes usually and the there is such a close feeling between parent and child. This experience is repeated over and over again over the following months. I don't believe bonding could occur properly with only one such episode. There is direct eye contact and openness and acceptance during this experience. And a deep feeling of love develops between parent and child. The bonding grows daily and the child learns to trust the parent to meet his needs.

I think I can compare this experience to a spiritual one. There is a bonding, or identification, that can occur between us as individuals and God. I will try to explain more about this in my future posts about bonding. I have learned a lot about our relationship to God through my children. I think that God loves us very much and teaches us about spiritual things through our everyday experiences. It is at times like this that I wish I could choose the right words to explain my thoughts and feelings.

I don't have any electronic pictures of my older kids to post here, wish I did. In the next posts I will try to talk about how bonding occurred with each of our adopted children. I wonder if anyone will bother to wade through these posts?

Spring Break

The kids are having a great time this week. Hannah decided to eat dirt one day and I had to take a picture of her. Hope her mom isn't too mad at this old granny.

We went to the park today. Weilong found a fishing pole and tried to catch some fish. Unfortunately he hooked a big one who jerked the pole out of his hands and swam away with it before I could get my camera out. Well, that's what Weilong said anyway.....

WeiLong Remembers.....

This is hard for me to write, and I may take it down almost as soon as I post it. But I want to write it down anyway, maybe just to gather my thoughts.

Weilong has been diagnosed with "failure to thrive". He is way too small for an 8 yr old. He eats well, but isn't growing like he should. We have had him tested for everything and are thankful that all the tests have come back negative. We have an appointment with a pediatric endocrinologist next month to see if he might need growth hormone.

Our pediatrician said failure to thrive is usually caused by emotional stress or neglect. We know that WL was not neglected. He lived with his parents until they both passed away when he was about four and a half years old. He remembers them well, and loves them. Today he told me that he dreams about them every night. He misses them terribly.

What I'm writing now is exactly what WL told me, it is not documented in any of his paperwork. His parents death is, but not the rest. His mother passed away first. He says she had a high fever, but he doesn't know the cause of death. His father, whom WL says was a school teacher passed away 3 months later. WL says his father cried so much when his mother died and was so sad. But he does not know what his father died of. He says that before he died, his father took him to live with his grandparents. He says his father told his grandfather to take him to the orphanage. Apparently his grandparents were old and not able to care for him. He said his father and grandfather were both crying and that his grandfather agreed to take him to the orphanage after his father died.

For a while his grandparents tried to keep him, but his grandmother passed away. WL said that the orphanage director came to get him at his grandfather's small house, and that he clung to his grandfather and begged to stay. He said he cried and cried and so did the grandfather. He said the orphanage director promised that he would bring WL back to visit the grandfather. According to the paperwork, WL came to the orphanage about a year after his father died.

When WL found out that he was going to be adopted, one of the nannies drove to the grandfather's house. WL was so excited because he wanted to see his grandfather. But something awful had happened. His grandfather had died also. WL says that he was the only one in his family left alive. He was so sad. He told me that he cried and cried and couldn't eat for days. He said the orphanage director kept urging him to eat and telling him that he was going to get to come to America.

Weilong had told me this in bits and pieces before today. I don't think he is making any of it up, I believe every word. The paperwork says he was kept by an old man after his father died and the surname of the old man is the same as Weilong's. And of course the death of his parents is documented.

Tonight Gary went to a meeting at church and I took the kids and Hannah to Taco Bueno for supper. We were all sitting around talking and suddenly Weilong started telling us his story. He cried a little bit during the telling, and the girls and I couldn't help but cry too. There weren't many people in the restaurant so we did have some privacy. It was the most heart-wrenching hour I believe I've ever had. Weifu expressed surprise that we were crying, I guess they are used to hearing such tragic details in the lives of little children.

I held Weilong's precious little face between my hands and looked into his sweet little eyes and told him that I love him so much and am so sorry for the loss of his parents. I promised that we would love him and take care of him for the rest of our lives. And I said a silent prayer asking God to let me live long enough to see these precious little ones well into adulthood.

WeiLong has told me before that his parents took him to church sometimes in China. He has told me some things they said that leads me to believe they were Christians. I know that sounds unlikely, but surely not impossible. Tonight I told Weilong that if his parents were indeed Christians he will see them again someday. I tried to explain the best I could about what I believe the Bible teaches about Heaven and how to get there. I think I saw a glimmer of hope in his little eyes.

Could the loss of everyone he loves have caused my precious little boy to have something called "failure to thrive"? If so, can our love for him cause him to "thrive" again? I wish I knew all the answers. All I do know is that we have one very special little boy in our lives.

Happy New Year

What an exciting day for the boys. They participated in a program that their Mandarin class had at the Arlington Chinese Church. The highlight was when the Chinese Consulate from Houston spoke and sang a song for us. It was called something like, It's good to be Chinese.

Hope you can pick out the boys in the pictures. Weilong is the smallest in his class, wearing a red vest. Weifu is the small boy on the front row of his class, with his shirt hanging out from under his vest. I wish I could have signaled him to tuck it in, but isn't he nice looking anyway??

Finally, It's Official

We had our day in court today. The boys' adoptions are final. They were in rare form, Weilong even stuck his tongue out at the judge. And he answered "yes" very loudly for me when the judge asked me if I would be his mother and love him always, causing a ripple of laughter in the courtroom.

Both boys learned to write their new last name. And I'm letting all the kids take a holiday from school today. They begged and begged and I just couldn't say no. The girls are doing some homework right now and the boys are studying for Sunday's program at Mandarin school so I don't think the day will be wasted.

The boys love the bears given to them by the judge.

Oh, and I just had to include the picture of Lisa all tied up in knots. We have all laughed and laughed over that picture. And the last picture is of the girls at the skating rink a couple of weeks ago.