Through the Valley

Has it only been two days since I posted last? Seems like a lifetime.

This has been the hardest day of my life, well except for yesterday. My faith has been sorely tested, and I ache body, soul and spirit. But we do not walk through hard times alone. No. We have an advocate who ever lives to make intercession for us. And we have His family here on earth to bear us up when we are weak. I'm so thankful for that.

Yesterday morning Weilong was just feeling bad. He kept vomiting and his head was hurting very badly. He is very weak. And it seemed that he couldn't wake up. So they decided to do a CT scan. This showed he had developed hydrocephalus. They had to rush him to surgery immediately to relieve the pressure on his sweet little brain. Thankfully this was a short procedure. It involved putting in a temporary shunt. This is a tube inserted through the skull that allows the csf to drain out.

Weilong was in so much pain, he doesn't even remember the surgery. It makes me cry to write the description of this event. His little head was hurting so badly that he was hitting on it with his little hands. All we could do was cry and pray for him. It was actually a relief to have the shunt put in, knowing it would relieve the pressure and pain.

It is beautiful the way God worked things out for me. I was alone at the hospital with Weilong, and just minutes before the surgery Gary showed up, then our Pastor and Weilong's chilren's Pastor. They were with us through this whole trying ordeal, just as they were with us through the surgery on Monday.

After the surgery was over, I sneaked into the ICU. They had just brought Weilong in from the OR. There were six people in the room working on him and the surgeon and another nurse were standing outside the room looking in through the glass. I was allowed to stay. Weilong was having difficulty breathing, struggling for each breath. They were helping him and very gentle with his tiny little body as his little chest heaved for each breath taken. The sound of those breaths was heartbreaking. I called the waiting room to get the others to pray, and stood silently praying and looking on. They kept suctioning him and called someone to bring a nebulizer. The breathing treatment helped. Finally he was breathing on his own, but very exhausted.

Our precious boy was so tired, he slept and slept. I could see that the surgeon was a bit concerned that he wasn't alert. After several hours passed, I just broke down and cried. The nurse caught me right in the middle of this bout of tears, and she, Gary, and I gathered around Weilong's bed. Somehow, the sweet little thing was able to wake up and talk with us. I think because the nurse kept telling him I needed him to talk with me. Oh, what a blessed relief. His spunk was showing. I told him I needed him go get well because I had no one to give me hugs and kisses. He said "You can go home and get Weifu, Julia, and Lisa to hug you". I laughed out loud. He was able to do all the little things that showed his brain is still functioning normally. I was ecstatic. I cried with relief this time.

When our good friend Mike came up to see us, Weilong was alert and even joking with Mike. Oh, how sweet it was to see Weilong acting normally again. I stayed with him last night and slept the sleep of the exhausted. Weilong was doing well.

This morning Weilong was in a little pain, that was to be expected. He is stil unable to keep anything on his stomach though. The hospital brought him an x-box to keep in his room. He tried hard to play a game, but soon became tired and had to stop. But it was good to see him play. I was a bit concerned because he is so weak.

We were a bit concerned because the front of his head began hurting. He vomited any meds we gave him by mouth, so they gave him morphine in his iv and he fell asleep. I did too. I try to nap when he does so I can be awake when he is. About an hour later he called to me and I went to him. The fluid coming out of his shunt was red. Mostly red, mixed in with the csf fluid. I quickly called the nurse and soon had a roomful of concerned nurses. Weilong said his head was hurting very badly and he vomited several times. Not good. Quickly they decided to do another CT scan. I called Gary and Shannon to come. Honestly, I feared the worst. I could only imagine brain bleeds. Weilong was lethargic and in pain. Ok, I'll admit I was so filled with fear (that my body was shaking and tears were streaming down my old face. (I look like a 100 yr old hag, have been at the hospital for days in the same clothes.)

They let me go down with Weilong for the CT. Thank God, they could find nothing wrong. The surgical area is swollen a lot. Weilong lost so much blood on the surgery, they think maybe some of it is breaking loose from the surgical area and getting mixed in with the csf. I don't know if this is good or bad. The tell me we are just taking one day at a time and keeping a close watch on Weilong.

I left my boy for a couple of hours. I need to grab a shower and clean clothes. I am taking the other children up to see Weilong for a few minutes. I believe it will do him good to see them. When he is awake he keeps begging me to come home. I would give anything to bring him home right now.

The surgeon told me that we will have ups and downs. He says we need to look at the overall trend and it should be an upward one. Weilong will be in hospital two weeks, in ICU at least through the weekend (per the surgeon). They will make a decision in about two weeks on whether the shunt will be permanent. Please pray that it is only temporary.

It's hard to share my fears and doubts with you, my friends and family. I wish I could say that I am strong and full of faith. The only thing I can say is that when I am weak He is strong. I have come to the very end of any human strength, and must rely totally on God.

I may look at this pitiful post next time I log on and delete it.

To my dear family at Christ Family Church, thank you for your love and support. It brings much comfort to know that you are praying for us. There have been times in the last few days when I couldn't pray for myself and I knew you were there praying for us. Words cannot express our gratitude and love for you.

Leaving no Doubt